There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
