Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
