the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
