Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
