I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
