a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
