Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
