cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
