the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
