You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
