i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
