So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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