All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
