I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
