Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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