so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
