all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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