My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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