She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
