it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
