My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
