the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
