She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
