Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
