Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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