He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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