What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
