I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
