I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize