watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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