There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
