i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
tell me about the eggs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
