Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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