respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
