allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
