Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize