Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
