My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
