I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
