just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
