babies were throwing up all over the place
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
