I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
