then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
