you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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