Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
