five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
