i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
