I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
