Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He kissed a someone with a penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
