My room smells like vodka and shame
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize