His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
