You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
