I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
