It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
