No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
