I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize