Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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