Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
