if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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