I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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