is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want her autograph on my taint
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
