Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
how drunk are you?
Several
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
