So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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