It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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