just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize