I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
