He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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