T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
