You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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