ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
