batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
