Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
