The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
