i don't like sucking hair
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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