Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
