He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you inspire me to be a worse person
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
