before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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