its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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