Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
