she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Your cock deserves a montage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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