Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
