fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
