you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A+ Viking dick
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
