So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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