My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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