Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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