dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
