dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
