you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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