I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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