this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
