I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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