please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
