we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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